The great thing about work is that no matter how bad your day is you know that at least it is not as bad as tomorrow will be. I am currently trying to develop some kind of system for measuring different levels of shitty work days. I have been tracking recent events and noticed therehas been a definite increase in the degree to which my days have been crap but the amazing thing is that what seemed like the ultimate in bad days just one week ago has now been surpassed 5 times over. I now believe that there are no boundaries to how bad work days can be. I suppose it is like the universe constantly expanding to infinity as every day people invent colourful and cruel ways to make my job more and more intolerable.
There are two root causes of suffering at my work : the public and my superiors. The public are the unpredictable wild card whose actions constantly shock and amaze. I called a customer recently and suggested that she should look at re-financing her house. The customer seemed keen on the idea so I invited her to come to the branch within the next few days to put in a loan application. An hour after I had made an arrangement to meet her at 9am on Friday she called back and asked me if she could bring her friends with her. I thought it was an odd request but said that was fine. One hour later she called again and asked if it was OK if she brought 12 family members along with her in addition to her friends. I explained that my office was fairly small but she was free to bring anyone along although their presence was hardly necessary. So Friday came along and the branch manager unlocked the doors only for my customer and a mob of friends and family to come barging in demanding to know “what is there to eat ?” The branch manager was a little confused by their request but politely explained that we had no food for them. It was at this point that it emerged that my customer had a problem differentiating between an English person inviting her to the “branch” and the American word “brunch.” The mob caused a small riot before finally leaving in a mad fury. I would have thought that anyone with half a brain would have realised that the chances of your local bank providing a slap up breakfast for the half the town were pretty remote but in this crazy world these are the kind of nutcase customers I have to spend my time with.
My new boss has little sympathy for me when I explain how my honest attempts at generating new business result in dismal failure on a regular basis. This week for example I had one mortgage fall through because it transpired that the customer trying to refinance the house neither owned it nor had any connection with the business that did. I had another customer who I called to see if he wanted to do a refi and having agreed to do so he arranged to come by the branch between his wifes funeral and the post burial reception. Nice. I am surprised he didn’t come by before the funeral so he could have her sign the docs with her cold dead hand. Those nutters were at least nice as opposed to the customers who have spat at me, called me a “###king Mick Bastard” and threatened me with walking sticks within the last 2 months.
The boss doesn’t care about the insanity levels of the public as he decided to tell his boss that we would double our goals this month for no reason other than to make himself look good. The fact that he looks and talks like Tony Soprano is a pretty good reason to try and keep him happy because he has already insinuated that anyone who fails can expect to get some new concrete shoes and spend the rest of their days as gator bait. Soprano has been going more and more insane each day lately but tomorrow promises to be the absolute worst day we have had this year since Soprano’s boss is coming to town and his name is Satan. I have never really had a good rapport with Satan perhaps because of my insistence on wearing a crucifix round my neck or possibly because he is a complete bastard. Ohh well at least tomorrow after I am whipped, hung drawn and quartered by marauding demons I can rest easy in the knowledge that at least tomorrow is not as shitty as the next day will be.